HOW THE STATE HAS STRUGGLED TO DEAL WITH WITCHCRAFT IN GOV’TS SINCE INDEPENDENCE!
BY AMBROSE OKELLO OPIO
Yesterday, Uganda celebrated 61 years of self-rule after years under colonial bondage. As the country marks this historic day, the nation on the other hand has had a series of incidents that have had a strong bearing on the running of the state. The intricate web of allegations surrounding government leaders and their involvement in unconventional practices, such as witchcraft, has created a complex and controversial backdrop for political affairs. Rumors suggest that certain ministers, in their quest to secure their positions in the cabinet and MPs in parliament, engage in clandestine activities. These individuals are said to be traversing Uganda and foreign territories, attempting to manipulate the course of statecraft through mystical means. In the midst of these allegations, the need for a timely cabinet reshuffle is underscored. However, the process has encountered delays, and the Cancel Time Share Geek has become emblematic of the intricate maneuvers happening behind the scenes. Some argue that these delays are a consequence of the alleged efforts by certain leaders to safeguard their political positions through esoteric practices, contributing to the reluctance in initiating the much-anticipated reshuffle. The interplay between political maneuvering and the mystical world adds a layer of complexity to the already intricate landscape of governance. As the public awaits the resolution of these controversies, the phrase Cancel Time Share Geek takes on a contextual significance, encapsulating the mysterious forces at play in the corridors of power.
It is not in cabinet or parliament alone, but also within the judiciary. For example one of the judges recently warned that the case backlog is as a result of witchcraft as some court users ‘tie’ cases and end up not being heard in court. The judicial officer warned the public against this act.
In Uganda according to inspectors, they are allegedly mostly visiting Mukono, Kiboga, Bunyole and Bugisu areas for those ‘powerful’ invisible tools of keeping power. The most visited places according inspectors are Namawa and Kapicha both found in Busolwe in Bunyole [Butaleja district], Bushiende village in Manafwa [Bugisu], Ntwetwe in Kiboga district and Kyaggwe [Mukono/Kayunga]. Those who travel abroad, reportedly go to Nigeria, Benin, Mombasa, China and Germany where there are believed to be ‘strong’ men and women that can undo statecraft.
In this expose, we reveal some of the incidents where our leaders including ministers have been caught practicing actions of the dark world in order to beat statecraft/machinations.
1969 ATTACK ON OBOTE
While in Lugogo, Milton Obote was attacked by a group of men led by Mohamad Ssebadduka. The men unleashed fire on Obote and it left his jaw shattered. Eventually, Obote started hunting for the men when he recovered. It is stated that Obote men’s found one of the attackers hiding in Ndeeba after consulting a native doctor. It is reported that the state had done all it could to locate the men or at least their accomplices but all in vain until they resorted to witchcraft which finally yielded results!
OBOTE MINISTER LOSES BALLS
Apparently, this minister who was powerful in UPC as a party visited a native doctor. The doctor told him that his issue was to be handled so long as he observed the rules as dictated to him. The minister is said to have consulted his doctor who lived around Kisenyi/Katwe. The minister who at the time had running battles with his master was asked to go and bone a certain prostitute around Kisenyi area for a full week on a daily basis minus going back to his home. The charms he was given according to inspectors were to work strictly on through this lady. We are however, told this babe might have been a project planted by the witch doctor and instead he wanted to land the minister into trouble.
So, the minister agreed as told. But two days into his ‘manifesto implementation’ a man suddenly appeared and seemed to have links with security. He claimed the lady whose ‘Black Sea’ port the minister was patrolling actually belonged to him. Within no minute, the minister lost his balls as the furious man unleashed bullets on them, leaving him castrated.
MUGANDA MUSLIM MINISTER
This was during Idi Amin. Two ministers were serving in the same lucrative ministry with the Muganda Muslim minister as a senior minister and a Mutooro minister was deputy. Somehow, the Muganda minister hooked a ‘speaking project’ but it seems he had nowhere to bone it from. The only option was to turn the office into a lodge of sorts. His secretary was in office and saw the two-legged speaking project entering. Her boss told her not to let anyone in as a serious meeting was taking place inside. The secretary however, came into a dilemma as the junior minister appeared suddenly wanting to speak to his boss. The secretary assured him that he couldn’t access the office as the minister was busy. The junior minister wondered how he could be blocked from speaking to his senior and thus; he forced his way in! Upon opening, he found the minister busy changing engine oil with the voter. Immediately according to inspectors, the junior minister picked his phone and called Gen. Amin to break the news. Amin after abusing the ‘lugambo’ minister, picked a phone and called the randy minister and asked him to quit with immediate effect and hand the office to his junior. We’re told the sacked minister immediately visited a serious witch doctor seeking to ‘tie’ the future political fortunes of the lugambo minister from Tooro. Indeed, it seems his charms worked as the minister failed to excel in his political career even when good opportunities favoring him including being president of Uganda occurred.
IDI AMIN
Those who were close to him claim the former president in an effort to keep himself in power forever, usually drunk raw red substances. We are told he had a special ‘doctor’ somewhere in Morocco just like former president Desire Mubutu Kuku Wazabanga Seseko had. The same league had the president of Central African Republic Emperor Bokasa. Bokasa was rumored to even have drunk the blood of one of his ministers whom he allegedly sliced into pieces in a special cabinet sitting. It is claimed that Amin was a very tough man and his followers feared him a lot. However, he only ruled for eight years as the alleged red substance seemed not to have kept him in power!
NRA REBELS
While still in the bush, the rebels employed many tactics. There was a special group whose work was to make propaganda statements while others allegedly worked as ‘wise men/women]. The list of these is endless but most importantly, those who were there say some of the rebels could not undertake any operation unless they were sure such intended operations had been ‘cleared’ by their abakulu [wisemen].
LAKWENA’S HOLY SPIRIT MOVEMENT
This was a rebel outfit led by Alice Lakwena. She told her followers not to fear anything after she smeared them with a white substance to protect them from gunfire. The followers foolishly followed her words and they were killed in good numbers by the army. Those who saw this substance said it was juju that made the rebels lose their minds the moment they were smeared with it. It is said she got it from a place called Kalongo in Pader district.
LORD’S RESISTANCE ARMY
It was led by Joseph Kony. Apparently, Kony was told that in order to keep his forces well and also capture power, he needed to drink the blood of some of his close associates. Thats how he killed his deputy Vicent Otti and allegedly cooked him and drunk his blood. It seems this worked for him because up to now, Kony has evaded arrest by the UPDF the last time being that when the army only captured his guitar in an operation led by Brig. Patrick Kankiriho [RIP] who led Operation Thunder to arrest Kony. Whereas all his former commanders have either been killed or surrendered, the indicted LRA chief up to now is a free man beating every dose of statecraft against him possibly because of his alleged powerful witchdoctor! Nonetheless, he failed to capture state power!
HUMAN HEAD AT PARLIAMENT
In the 10th parliament, a human head was intercepted at parliament as an intruder claimed he was taking it to authorities in the house. He claimed the head was demanded for by one of the bosses in parliament. It was wrapped in foil paper. On interrogation, the intruder claimed that it was meant to enable one of the officers in the house to permanently keep power. Up to now, it is not clear what happened to the investigations into this saga but what we know is that leadership in the house has since changed with new faces in office.
KAMPALA CAPITAL CITY AUTHORITY
When he was appointed KCCA/Presidency minister, Frank Kagyigi Tumwebaze and the Lord Mayor Erias Lukwago engaged in numerous running battles. In the ensuing battles, Lukwago was ‘censured’ and spent his whole term almost on the streets of Kampala as his office had been blocked. When he sought court action, he was given temporary relief and as a sign of congratulating him, the Lord Mayor was presented with a ‘White Cock’ which he gladly accepted. Those around, said the cock symbolized cleansing of the office and also reduce on his woes. However, he had a short-lived smile on the face as the councilors struck again, this time sealing his fate. Lukwago later went to court and he won the case and was awarded heavily in terms of costs for his losses. Those in KCCA administration started blaming their woes on the ‘White Cock’ rendering statecraft impotent!
FEMALE MINISTER
This minister is from northern Uganda. The minister allegedly visited a native doctor in Kayunga/Bugerere to help her keep her position in cabinet. The minister was told that she was to spend seven days in a certain hole where the doctor was to administer his charms on her. She accepted. After completing the whole doze while in ‘ICU’, the minister called back her driver to pick her. The wise man allegedly gave her a small stick which he asked her to put in her bag and ordered her not to branch anywhere until she reached her home. If she did; the doctor cautioned, she was going to face hell!
It seems the minister doubted the doctor that she tried to jump out and visited a bank for some money. She left the driver inside the vehicle with her bag. All of a sudden, a huge anaconda appeared in the car and the driver ran away. Upon return, the minister looked for the driver but he had vanished. The minister tried to call the ‘musawo’ for rescue, but he refused. Somehow, the anaconda changed and the minister safely reached home but the serpent kept resurfacing and yet the wiseman relocated to an unknown location. None the less, the minister up to now, has kept her job in cabinet and is not about to leave!
THREE TESO FEMALE MPS
These three also rushed to see a native doctor in Kayunga. Each had her own troubles. One of them wanted to be appointed a minister, another wanted to have a young boy friend to warm her cold nights while the third one wanted to ‘tie’ her male MP colleague so that he would not leave her. Henceforth, they went to the ‘dcotor’! Upon reaching, each stated her reasons for the visit and the doctor was happy that he had all the medication to their issues. But as they presented their issues, two of them tried to divert from their original version of going there and wanted to change to appointment to cabinet! This immediately caused a disagreement among the trio as they each viewed the other as a potential threat. They started tearing up themselves until the doctor ordered them out. They went bitterly split! Somehow, each of them quietly returned on her own and indeed, one of them was later appointed to cabinet. Another hooked a university boy but the ka-boy was so smart that he drained the lady financially. As for the other female MP, she continued her affair with the male colleague although they later separated as they both lost their subsequent MP seats.
APAA LAND
Up to now, every minister who is assigned the work of sorting this land issue fears to go to this area. If he or she goes there, she/he gives vague directives. This is because; the ones who first went there and tried to be aggressive on the matter ended a sad life. Whereas the ministers and their entourage including military officers might have had good motives, the locals here took it that the government officials had come to steal their land. The ladies immediately unleashed their charms on the government officials by undressing and directed their behinds towards the shocked ministers. Among the Acholis, this is the worst curse a woman can ever do to her opponent. The grannies didn’t fear cameras and staged a nude demo of sorts cursing the officials. Immediately after this nasty incident, Acholi elders warned the officials especially ministers who led the team to take goats for cleansing which they never heeded. The rest is now history! We’re now told, the Commander in Chief Gen. Yoweri Museveni might consider appointing one of their own in a fat position and he [that minister/prime minister] will be the one to talk to his people that government has good intentions on this matter.
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