JILTED MINISTER RESORTS TO HUNTING FOR ‘FRESH FRUITS’ TO RESTORE LOST FAMILY MEMBERS
By John Okello Lapok
A minister from Northern Uganda is said to be nursing a broken heart after a recent DNA test indicated that two of his supposed four kids were actually not his.
The minister who hails from West Nile sub-region according to inspectors is currently on medication after one of his local managers left his official role and decided to also manage part of the bedroom affairs in his home.
Apparently, this minister some time back won himself a very gorgeous ‘speaking project’ which he elected to keep as his wife. The project indeed accepted his manifesto and the lovebirds went for kwanjula [introduction] in a colorful event that shook the entire sub-region.
Henceforth, the minister embarked on an oil exploration mission of his new project to know the exact amount of barrels of oil he could get in five years! Thanks to his oil rig, he managed to seriously scoop the oil resulting into the birth of ‘four’ beautiful kids in a record 5years! The minister in other words kept his ‘speaking project’ busy with a hot seed in the oven almost every year!
“They had been living a happy life. Somehow, rumors started coming to the minister that his Shamba boy was drilling the oil wells of his speaking project. He didn’t take it serious until on the fateful day when he finally landed on the lovebirds cheating from one of his own house” explained our inspector.
It was stated that this minister runs a fleet of houses in his sub-region and one of these was turned into a hotel/lodge!
“Maama Keith, what have you done to me? In my own house? Oh God, this world is crazy. Of all things I have done for you, this is how you’re paying me? Do you know my role in this country? I am a minister! Why? Why? Oh God” an inspector quoted the minister as crying after nabbing the cheating crew!
We’re told the minister couldn’t have landed on the couple had it not to have been the phone which betrayed them. We’re told the lovebirds foolishly went for their ‘oil exploration’ with a kid. It is this kid who answered the calls when the minister called and the kid innocently kept telling the caller what was happening.
“Uncles is here with mummy. Eh, eh, uncle leave mum, eh, eh, uncle is biting mummy’s mouth [lips]. Eh, uncle stop beating mummy. Leave mummy alone” explained an inspector quoting the kid as saying as the caller heard the cheating crew telling the kid in a rather faint voice ‘waaatch TV, waaaahi TV’
The lovebirds had apparently put a curtain to obstruct the kid from following the ‘proceedings of the face to face special session’ in the room!
We are told among West Nilers, a woman can be divorced on two grounds. Not Alcohol or laziness, but sorcery and straying while in a man’s home [adultery]. We are told the minister immediately invoked the two traditional rules and handed back the project to her parents.
Inspectors said when all this was done, he thought he had finalized all the mess. Unfortunately for him, more rumors trickled in like presidential election results! The rumors suggested that the shamba boy was telling whoever cared to listen that the minister was actually keeping some of his personal property illegally.
“They kept asking him what the property was but at first he kept quiet. Later, he let the cat out of the bag saying some of the children the minister was keeping weren’t his. This shocked the minister and he decided to carry out a DNA test on the four kids only to find that he had two kids only” explained our inspector.
Inspectors stated that this minister who was fired from cabinet is now blaming himself for having paid a lot of attention to reading ‘cabinet papers’ more than attending to his home affairs.
“My husband is unfair. He would take weeks minus coming home. He kept himself in Kampala and I could only watch him on TV presenting beautiful papers. I hated myself because my own TV also needed his special antenna. The network was really bad and needed his antenna” an inspector privy to the details from the hitherto speaking project revealed. We’re told the minister has now embarked on a hunt for a ‘fresh fruit’ to help restore his ‘lost’ family although he keeps suffering from severe backache courtesy of his age and numerous oil drilling marathons!
Recently, several men have been left with broken hearts after establishing that their supposed kids are actually not theirs. Some of the men have resorted to committing suicide upon finding out that their wives strayed. Most of the ladies accused of birthing kids from outside have actually been linked to house boys, boda boda riders and chapatti vendors. However, as for this minister, the shamba boy was managing some of his vast empire back home but ended up even managing his wife’s ‘Standard Gauge Railway’ Watch this space for details!